Category Archives: Family & Marriage

The twisting, capricious nature of “blessings”

CATEGORY: PersonalNarrativeYesterday was … unsettling. Any time you’re meeting with your physician and the words “brain tumor” come out of her mouth, it’s going to make you sit up a little straighter, even if she’s mostly dismissing it as a possibility. Mostly.

As I have noted before, I suffer from a disorder that causes significant vertigo issues and, commencing in the past few years, a condition called Nystagmus. In 2007 I visited a top dizziness expert at the University of Colorado medical center in hopes of finding some good news. I submitted to many tests and the diagnosis was a degenerative inner ear disorder. It was going to get worse, I was told. Also, people who suffer from diseases like this one enjoy an exceptionally high suicide rate. (Although, perhaps “enjoy” isn’t quite the right word.)

I had been a very active athlete my whole life, but not any more. Continue reading The twisting, capricious nature of “blessings”

Adrian Peterson and the glacial pace of cultural evolution

Reach out and touch me now
Aphrodite said
You aren’t the only one
with armies in your head

Adrian-PetersonI guess I take the Adrian Peterson story personally, for reasons I wrote about back in 2011. To this day I remember the pain that was inflicted on me by those I loved, and who loved me. Pain inflicted because they loved me, so much that they would have laid down their lives for me without question. But in their minds, if they spared the rod they were hurting me.

It warps you, in a way. It makes you associate pain with love and justice. And at 53, I have accepted that I will never quite be okay because of it.

Cultural evolution is a slow and sometimes painful thing. What is obvious to you and me today will be obvious to everyone eventually, but eventually might mean 20 years. Continue reading Adrian Peterson and the glacial pace of cultural evolution

Roger Goodell, Kabuki journalism and #StandYourGround

I rarely criticize people for overthinking. I mean, this is #Merica. How often do I get a chance? This nation has its problems, but we’re not prone to overthinking.

Still, every once in a while we do wander further down the rabbit hole than is necessary. Take this whole fire Roger Goodell thing. Should he be fired because he lied? Well, if that’s proven, sure. Should he be fired for presiding over an inept operation? Maybe – if that video was in the building and he didn’t know, then that’s a problem.

But it’s really simpler than that. Continue reading Roger Goodell, Kabuki journalism and #StandYourGround

An open letter to Janay Rice

Dear Janay,

The last few weeks have undoubtedly been difficult ones for you, and the last couple of days have probably been among the most trying of your life. I can imagine that you’re torn so many ways, and since I have never been in the position you’re in – have never experienced anything remotely like it – imagine is about all I can do. And speculate. I guess we all speculate. We can’t help it.

But you said something today that I just can’t let go. You said:

I love my husband. I support him. I want people to respect our privacy in this family matter.

Continue reading An open letter to Janay Rice

Can we get Donald Sterling and Rochelle Sterling and V Stiviano on The Jerry Springer Show?

Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote this:

Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different.

William Gibson took it a step further. Continue reading Can we get Donald Sterling and Rochelle Sterling and V Stiviano on The Jerry Springer Show?

Online dating tips: tell OK Cupid you’re looking for the opposite of what you really want

Childless in Seattle? Not for long. Jim, let’s meet those bachelorettes.

If you were to review my OK Cupid profile, you’d find this:

Screen Shot 2014-04-14 at 7.26.53 PM

And, just to be clear, this:

Screen Shot 2014-04-14 at 7.28.12 PM

So today, OK Cupid e-mailed me this: Continue reading Online dating tips: tell OK Cupid you’re looking for the opposite of what you really want

Brendan Eich case raises free speech issues for people who don’t understand how free speech works

No, Virginia. Intolerance of intolerance isn’t the same as intolerance of human beings.

When it became public that recently appointed Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich had donated to the controversial anti-gay rights Prop 8 initiative in California back in 2008, things – as we used to say back home – blowed up. Rarebit yanked an app from the Mozilla marketplace and in a highly visible move, dating site OK Cupid asked its users not to access the site with Mozilla’s Firefox browser.

Eich fought back, and we witnessed a couple of days of textbook crisis management as the company (and its under-fire CEO) worked to convince the world that a person’s official and personal beliefs can be compartmentalized – that is, you can be anti-equality in your private life but suitably inclusive at work. Continue reading Brendan Eich case raises free speech issues for people who don’t understand how free speech works

NaPoWriMo 2014: write like nobody’s reading

National Poetry Writing Month begins today. Will you write 30 poems in 30 days?

Well, no. I won’t, not me personally. I retired from writing poetry a couple years ago. But before I did I wrote four books and am currently looking to publish them, so I definitely salute the annual celebration of the art.

Here at S&R we have a deep and abiding respect for verse, and we encourage you to break out the quill and parchment (if you don’t have a quill and parchment pen and paper, or even a word processing package such as Microsoft Word will do) and get your poetry on. Continue reading NaPoWriMo 2014: write like nobody’s reading

Should your son join a fraternity? Read this. Right now.

Dear Parents: if your son goes to college, joins a fraternity and screws up, you could lose your home.

Do I have your attention yet?

How many times in my adult life have I heard this?

YOU were in a fraternity?

Doc Sammy, in another life.
Doc Sammy, in another life.

Yes I was. Theta Chi, Gamma Omicron chapter, Wake Forest University. I know, I don’t fit the stereotype. Neither did my chapter. Sure, we had parties. We drank, sometimes more than was strictly healthy. We were appropriately hormonal for a pack of 18-22 year-old guys. We were noisy and obnoxious and occasionally rude, especially when singing a rousing round of “Roll Out Your Mother” during Parents Weekend football games.

But consider this. Theta Chi, during Spring Rush of 1980, was the first place in my life I ever heard anyone talk about diversity. Today, of course, diversity is a critical concept in corporations, in schools, in government, everywhere. We are becoming a more diverse nation that promotes equal rights and standing for people of all races, for women, and finally for the LGBT community.

I’ve been paid by large corporations to develop diversity training, in fact, and what a wonderful irony that my first introduction to the importance of the concept came in a fraternity. Continue reading Should your son join a fraternity? Read this. Right now.

Dear women of Match.com and OK Cupid: WTF is wrong with you?

Women – and men – in online dating communities are acting like goddamned sociopaths. This needs to stop.

Okay, not all of you. But some of you. Men, too – I’m guessing this isn’t just women. See if you recognize yourselves below.

On multiple occasions I’ve been talking to women I met through OK Cupid. Things going great, we really seem to be hitting it off, and then we agree to meet. The woman has even been the one asking me out, in fact. I say yes, then … poof. Gone without a trace. Never hear from her again.

This is odd behavior, especially when she just asked me out, right? Am I saying yes wrong? WTF? Continue reading Dear women of Match.com and OK Cupid: WTF is wrong with you?