Childless in Seattle? Not for long. Jim, let’s meet those bachelorettes.
If you were to review my OK Cupid profile, you’d find this:
And, just to be clear, this:
So today, OK Cupid e-mailed me this:
Sweet. Let’s meet Bachelorette #1:
Okay. Bachelotette #2, say hi to Sam!
Uhhh. Jim, am I on the right show?
Wait wait wait. Let’s say hello to Bachelorette #3:
That’s it. I’m out.
Look, I’ve said before that I think one of the failings of online dating services is that they don’t allow for sufficient serendipity. I freely admit that I don’t know everything and that I may wind up being very attracted to someone who’s different from what I think I’m looking for.
That said, there are things I’m pretty set on, and for good reasons. Now, with Bachelorette #1, there weren’t any further details, and it’s entirely possible that her kid is grown, and that’s fine. But the other two? Come on, man. They’re almost certainly wonderful people, but how are they specifically for me?
So I guess at this point I’ve cracked the code. The secret to OKC’s success is in giving them the opposite of what you’re seeking. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go rework my profile. From now on, I’m looking for a morbidly obese, toothless, chain-smoking Klanswoman meth-whore with 12 young children. And herpes.
Get in line, ladies.